The very crux of your writing whilst appearing reasonable initially, did not really sit very well with me after some time. Someplace throughout the paragraphs you actually were able to make me a believer unfortunately only for a very short while. I however have got a problem with your jumps in logic and you would do well to help fill in those gaps. If you actually can accomplish that, I will undoubtedly be amazed.
The very crux of your writing whilst appearing reasonable initially, did not really sit very well with me after some time. Someplace throughout the paragraphs you actually were able to make me a believer unfortunately only for a very short while. I however have got a problem with your jumps in logic and you would do well to help fill in those gaps. If you actually can accomplish that, I will undoubtedly be amazed.